Why you should keep on smoking!
I bet you’re sick of the non-smokers in your family nagging you to stop smoking. I really feel for you so I’ve compiled a list of all the reasons you should keep on smoking.
Smoking is part of your identity. You’re a smoker now and you will always be a smoker. You are a smoker and that makes you special. It makes you a cool rebel. After all “everyone” smokes and “everyone” can’t be wrong.
You have a reason to spend money on yourself. No one can accuse you of being selfish. You can’t help it. You’re addicted to smoking. Besides it’s your money. You can spend it on whatever you like.
All those little annoying smoking related symptoms like smoker’s cough can really pay off. This gets you lots of sympathy and gives you something to complain about. When someone gets sick of your whinging you can elicit even more sympathy and start whinging about how you’re addicted.
Who needs the biggest loser? Smoking keeps the weight off. It keeps you from putting food in your mouth. You buy less food because smoking is so expensive.
Speaking of money. Smoking gives you the perfect excuse to borrow money. Even if you have half a packet of cigarettes left it’s a built in reason to borrow money. Another bonus is that people who are dumb enough to lend you money for cigarettes know that you won’t pay them back and won’t expect you to because you’re always broke because you smoke.
At work you have an excuse to take more breaks than non-smokers. If your boss is a smoker this is even better. He’s not going to complain about you not pulling your weight because he’s probably outside smoking with you. This is a great time to get inside information, ask for a raise or ask for a promotion. You can also get your rival fired because you have the boss’s ear. You can also gossip about non-smokers.
You can meet and bond with other smokers. If you see someone smoking you can go up to him or her and ask him or her if you can use their lighter. It immediately gives you common ground because you can talk about which cigarette brands are the best, which you prefer, etc. You understand each other. You can both whinge about people who try to stop you from smoking.
Now that I have your attention I can say don’t be a fool, smoking isn’t cool. If you want to stop smoking you can. Lots of people give up smoking many times so there's proof it can be done. If you want it to be permanent don’t label yourself. Don’t call yourself an ex-smoker or even a non-smoker. Don’t talk about when you used to smoke. Forget you ever had a cigarette. If someone offers you a cigarette say "no thanks." Don’t say "I don’t smoke anymore" because they will push you to accept a cigarette. Don’t think or act like you’re making the biggest sacrifice because you’ll talk yourself into feeling deprived and you’ll start smoking again. If smoking is so great why is everyone trying to give it up? Why do people, even smokers themselves, talk about the negative aspects like it makes your breath smell, it’s expensive and it’s bad for your health? No one, not even smokers go on about all the good things about smoking. They may say they like it but then in the same breath they say they want to give it up. People who don’t smoke don’t think that they’re missing out.
Whenever i meet a smoker and they tell me how much they love smoking i look them right in the eye and tell it as it is. I laugh openly and then say: "You're going to die, and you won't enjoy that".
ReplyDeleteAwkward, unneccesary and brutal but that's the contempt I feel for smokers.
People who smoke are selfish and self centered. They don't seem to care about their family who may have to sit there watching as your lungs slowly stop working, or who will have to quit their job to become a permanent carer because you have emphecema and you can't move your head without the oxygen. And how about this: "Something has to kill me. Why not smokes?" This is the standard argument for all smokers. If you smoke and use this argument then you cannot ever condemn somebody for binge drinking, or doing drugs or eating themselves to an early grave. because if you do then it means you don't feel they have a right to do this to themselves. So to all the smokers who read this - next time you see a druggie and think less of them, take a long hard look at yourself.
Sir Blogalot
ReplyDeleteDid you read the last paragraph? I was using humour to make a point. If I started out with all the reasons you shouldn't smoke, a smoker reading this wouldn't read past the introduction. A smoker probably wouldn't read past the heading.
Anna
Touchè. Still, whilst the humour got the point across well and good a smoker would then forget it five seconds later. I'm sorry if my comment detracted from the light hearted tone of the post but this is one area that I can't be nice about. It is true that a smoker wouldn't read an article like this, most smokers don't WANT to read articles like mine. They make up excuses but in the end it all comes down to the fact that it scares them. And it should. But what about non-smokers. They are the ones we need to target. Those who haven't already become addicted. Natural Selection takes care of the rest.
ReplyDelete